Strength in vulnerability
Create a connection that builds trust and respect.
By Jim Huling
March 2007
I stood before the people of my company in what I knew
would be a defining moment.
After a decade of phenomenal success, the market had turned,
sharply and unexpectedly. The financial impact was devastating.
Difficult decisions that included layoffs, expense reductions and the
plotting of a new strategy had to be made. It would be painful, and a
fearful uncertainty overshadowed my team.
As I walked to the podium, their faces showed the same concerns that I felt churning inside me. In that moment, I had two
choices of what I would say.
One was to be vulnerable, to let them see that I felt the same
emotions and the same regret they did over the issues we
faced and to then use that connection to take us forward
together. The other choice was to act as though I had everything under control, displaying confidence that, in my heart, I
did not feel.
Unfortunately, I chose the latter.
The message I gave could best be characterized as a pep rally
speech, with lots of bravado that I now know seemed as false
to them as it did to me. I concluded by stepping off the stage
and shouting, “Let’s make it happen!”
After a brief moment of forced applause, they quietly left the
room, having gained no hope or courage from my attempt at a
rallying message.
Even today, I cringe at this memory. And yet, this experience
taught me one of the greatest lessons in the business of life.
Are you facing a challenge today that has you feeling overwhelmed or frightened, unsure what to do?
Whether you are a leader in business, the coordinator of a
community project or a parent, you will inevitably face a
moment such as this. And when it happens, you may be tempted to act as though you have it all under control and need little help from anyone else. Take it from me, this is the wrong
approach.
It’s easy to believe you should have all the answers for every
situation. And when you believe that, you hesitate to ask for
help, even when you know you need it. You work to seem confident and assured, when what you should be doing is asking
the people around you to join you in finding a solution.
Imagine if I had begun my meeting by acknowledging that I
had been affected by the changes, just as they had, and then
asked for ideas on how we could get through the crisis together. Would they have thought less of me as a leader, or more?
I think you know the answer. And the same is true in your situation.
When you are willing to let others see that you have the
same doubts and fears as they do, it does not make you weak.
It makes you human. Courage is not the absence of fear, it is
action taken in spite of it.
Your willingness to be vulnerable creates a connection that
not only enables others to help you, it makes them want to.
The result is unity, in your family or on your team, which
strengthens everyone and displays the truest form of courage.
Vulnerability also makes you stronger when you’ve made the
wrong decision or said something that you regret. Instead of
defending your actions, acknowledge your mistake and what
you learned from it.
The people around you always see the truth eventually. They
can respect you, in spite of your mistake, if you are simply willing to admit it.
I once worked for a leader who, although respected for his
passion, thoroughness and hard work, was widely known for
never making two important statements: “I was wrong,” and,
“I’m sorry.”
Like everyone, he was sometimes wrong, but staunchly
refused to admit it. Because of this, the people on his team
became unable to trust him, and eventually, he was removed
from his position.
Your vulnerability is what enables you to connect with the
people in your life. The more you connect, the more engagement, respect and trust you will experience, and the more of a
leader you will become.
JIM HULING is CEO of MATRIX Resources Inc., an IT services company that has achieved industry-leading financial growth while receiving numerous national, regional and local awards for its values-based culture and other work-life balance programs. The company was recently named one of
the 25 Best Small Companies to Work for in America for the second year in a row by the Great Place
to Work Institute and the Society for Human Resource Management. In 2005, Huling was awarded
the Turknett Leadership Character Award for outstanding demonstration of integrity, respect and
accountability. Reach him at Jim_Huling@MatrixResources.com.
