Determine your destiny
Align your actions with your intentions.
By Jim Huling
September 2007
“I can’t believe this has happened to me,” said
Steve, a young man whom I had been mentoring. “I never intended for my boss to find out
this way,” he said with real anguish as we sat in
my office late one night.
For several months, Steve had been questioning whether his current job was still a
good fit. He had an important position, as well
as a supportive relationship with his manager,
who had invested heavily in him during the
past two years. Steve’s loyalty to his manager
had him torn about whether to explore other
opportunities within his company.
In our last meeting, Steve decided that his
intention was to stay in his current job and
that if he chose to explore other positions in
the future, he would first discuss it with his
manager because of his loyalty to her. At
least, that was the plan.
But in the weeks that had passed since that
meeting, Steve began to have casual conversations about a position in another group at
his company. As his interest grew, he sought
out several people in that group and asked
them to quietly recommend him to their manager. Steve also recruited a friend outside of
work who knew the manager to send a recommendation, along with a copy of his
resume.
It wasn’t surprising that all of Steve’s actions
became known when the manager of the
other group eventually called Steve’s current
manager. It also wasn’t surprising that Steve’s
current manager felt betrayed, not by Steve’s
interest in the position, but by the way he had
chosen to approach it.
The only real surprise was Steve’s sincere
astonishment as he said over and over, “I can’t
believe this has happened to me.” I wanted to
grab him by the shoulders and shake him. It
was obvious that Steve’s actions had made
this outcome inevitable from the moment he
began discussing the new position. Now, he
sat in my office knowing that, at best, he had
damaged an important relationship and, at
worst, may have lost his job.
Have you ever experienced an outcome that
was radically different than what you intended?
With every action you take, you define the
path of your life. And every path has a trajectory toward a certain outcome. While it’s
important to know what you really want — in
essence, to have a clear destination — it’s far
more important to ensure that the path you’re
on will take you there.
If you want to become a trusted and
respected leader in your team at work, examine your path. Are you completing every
assignment with real excellence? Do you support and encourage the people on your team
who are struggling? Can your teammates
trust you?
If you want to become a loving and engaged
parent or spouse, examine your path. Do you
create time every week for the people who
matter most? Do you regularly tell them how
much they mean to you? Are you there when
they need help?
It’s easy to focus on the illusion of who you
intend to be and to miss the reality that the
choices you’re making every day are leading
to a completely different outcome. Like a person who talks of driving north while consistently heading south, if you’re not careful, you
will trade in what you want most in life for
what you choose to do in each moment.
Make a list today of the five most important
things you want to become, such as a
thoughtful spouse, a trusted friend or a successful leader. Now, beside each item, write
five actions you took in the last week that are
helping to create this outcome. Complete the
exercise by listing any actions that took you
away from these outcomes.
If you’re honest with yourself, the results of
this simple exercise will show you the path
you’re on and where you need to change.
In the end, it’s your actions, not your intentions, that determine your destiny. Choosing
actions that align with your intentions will
enable you to become the person you want to
be and to create a life that is truly extraordinary.
JIM HULING is CEO of MATRIX Resources Inc., an IT services company that has achieved industry-leading financial growth while receiving numerous national, regional and local awards for its
values-based culture and other work-life balance programs. The company was recently named one of the 25 Best Small Companies to Work
for in America for the third year in a row by the Great Place to Work
Institute and the Society for Human Resource Management. In 2005,
Huling was awarded the Turknett Leadership Character Award for outstanding demonstration of integrity, respect and accountability. Reach
him at Jim_Huling@MatrixResources.com.
