Define yourself
Staying true to yourself is key to a life of personal and professional success.
By Jim Huling
January 2008
“Jim, you just don’t get it,” said a man
who had raised his hand, interrupting my presentation. “My former job
literally defined me. Now that it’s gone, I
don’t know who I am.”
I was speaking to a group of executives
who were currently out of work and searching for their next opportunity. In each of their
faces, I could see a mixture of hope and fear,
and for some, anger and desperation.
“What advice do you have for someone
who feels like his life is over?” he asked with
real emotion.
For the next three hours, we talked about
life and work, about balance and about how
we define ourselves. Although I was there as
the speaker, I learned more than I taught
from this courageous group of people whose
circumstances had made them vulnerable
enough to speak from their hearts.
Does your job define you?
Before you quickly say no, here are three indicators that might reveal a different answer.
- When your job defines you, your world
becomes very narrow. Thoughts about your
job and the challenges you face are always
on your mind no matter what you’re doing
or whom you’re with. You subtly begin to
value people, activities and relationships
based solely on how they can help your
career. And you consistently withdraw your
time, talent and energy from other areas of
your life so that you can give more of yourself
to your work, leaving you emotionally bankrupt outside the office.
- When your job defines you, everything
that happens at work seems personal. You
overreact to small situations or the comments
of a co-worker. You view changes in your
company based only on how they affect you,
and you spend your time analyzing conversations and e-mails for hidden messages. And
because you are overinvested, you systematically lose your ability to take intelligent risks
or offer creative ideas, worrying that if you
make a mistake you’ll be seen as a failure.
- When your job defines you, you don’t
define yourself. You’re always working to fit
yourself to the image of your job, and as a
result, you never discover who you really
are. Although your uniqueness could be the
source of your greatest contribution, it’s a
contribution that’s lost as you force yourself
to be exactly like everyone else.
Without question, the work you do and the
fulfillment and rewards it offers are an essential element of the life you want to create.
You will invest more waking hours in your
chosen work than you will in virtually any
other area of your life, and that’s an investment that should return much more than a
paycheck and a measure of security.
But if you allow your job to define you, you
will not only be robbed of the richness of
your life outside of work, you will diminish
the very qualities that drive your professional success. And one day, you too could feel
that you have lost everything.
Instead, start now to define your own identity by heeding this advice.
Be passionate about your work, but be
more passionate about your life. Plan the
investment of your time and energy carefully, so that your work performance is balanced with relationships and activities that
you also love.
Always see the bigger picture. The challenges you face at work today will be forgotten more quickly than you can imagine.
Apply yourself to solving them, but remember that they are seldom life-threatening and
that you, and the people around you, can find
the answers you need. Never forget that your
life, and your destiny, is far greater than
whatever you face now.
Stay true to whom you are. Your personal identity is separate and much larger
than your job, but it’s easy to lose sight of this
if you’re compromising the values that truly
define you. Remember that you always have
a choice. Resist the pressure to lower your
personal standard. Stay true to what you
believe and what you know is right, and you
will create a life filled with inner peace, rich
relationships and real success.
JIM HULING is CEO of MATRIX Resources Inc., an IT services
company that has achieved industry-leading financial growth while
receiving numerous national, regional and local awards for its values-based culture and other work-life balance programs. The company was recently named one of the 25 Best Small Companies to
Work for in America for the third year in a row by the Great Place to
Work Institute and the Society for Human Resource Management.
Huling is also the author of “Choose Your Life!” — a powerful,
proven method for creating the life you want. Reach him at
Jim_Huling@MatrixResources.com.
