The courage to be yourself
Creating the foundation for an authentic life
By Jim Huling
November 2006
“OK, everyone, it’s time to get this deal done,” the vice president said proudly to the small group of leaders seated around the boardroom table. “We’ve been in negotiations for weeks, and now it’s time to sign the contract.”
At that moment, the CEO interrupted, saying, “Before we sign, I’d like to hear from each leader that they support this decision.”
I saw my entire career flash before my eyes. For weeks, I had been uncomfortable with my required involvement in outsourcing my division. As a mid-level manager, I believed we were doing the wrong thing for all the wrong reasons, but every executive above me on the corporate ladder advised that I keep quiet and go along. And now, one by one, they were offering the CEO all the reasons this decision was best for the company, reasons I knew they didn’t fully believe.
Finally, it was my turn. My heart was racing, and my boss was looking directly at me with a clear message in his eyes. It seemed as if the whole world had stopped, waiting for my answer.
“I think we should do it,” I said, my voice cracking with anxiety.
In perfect unison, every person in the room breathed a sigh of relief. And I felt my spirit break.
This happened more than 20 years ago, but I remember it as if it were yesterday. In choosing not to speak the truth, I traded my integrity for the approval of my boss and then lived through every brutal aspect of the outsourcing with the knowledge that I might have made a difference.
This painful experience forged a resolve in me that has become one of my most valuable lessons in the business of life — the importance of honesty.
Are you honest? Most of us would say that we are, and what we usually mean is that we don’t intentionally lie. But real honesty involves a deeper commitment, and to find that level, we must ask tougher questions.
- Are you honest in everything you say?
When you relate a story about something that happened at work, do you mix your feelings in with the facts, slanting the story just enough to make your friends or your spouse agree with you? Initially, you may get the response you want, but ultimately, it leads others to think you’re dishonest.
Build relationships of deep trust by clearly separating your feelings from the facts in what you say.
- Are you honest when you are silent?
More lies are told through silence than through words. Implying approval by remaining silent, and then later claiming that you were not responsible for a bad decision, is not only a lie, it’s ridiculous.
Those who were in favor of the decision were simply wrong, but those who only pretended they were in favor lost the respect of everyone involved. Earn self-respect and the respect of others by being clear where you stand on an issue, even when you’re silent.
- Are you honest in the image you project?
Do you have friends or co-workers who believe that you really like them, when secretly you don’t? You may think you need to create this false perception to avoid hurting them, or because they can help your career, but you are actually inflicting a deep wound that will hurt both of you when they learn the truth.
Ultimately, it is fear that drives you to be less than honest about yourself and about what you think and believe — fear that if you let others see you as you really are, they will reject you. Because of this, you construct a false image to get the acceptance you want, but maintaining this false image is both disheartening and exhausting. And, in the end, the truth always comes out.
Have the courage to be yourself, the integrity to align your actions with what you believe, and the willingness to speak your own truth clearly and simply. When you do, you will discover a new power and confidence within yourself, one that will deepen your relationships, strengthen your self-respect and create the foundation for an authentic life.
Jim Huling is CEO of MATRIX Resources, Inc., an IT services company that has achieved industry-leading financial growth while receiving numerous national, regional and local awards for its values-based culture and other work-life balance programs. The company was recently named one of the 25 Best Small Companies to Work for in America for the second year in a row by the Great Place to Work Institute and the Society for Human Resource Management. In 2005, Huling was awarded the Turknett Leadership Character Award for outstanding demonstration of integrity, respect and accountability. Reach him at Jim_Huling@MatrixResources.com.
