It is natural to want to fit in. Who doesn’t want to feel like a valued, integral part of the group? Inclusion and affiliation are common needs that organizations meet. While people do work for money and to gain influence, they also derive great satisfaction from being accepted by their colleagues.
For women who work in male-dominated businesses, fitting in with the guys can be a challenge. Women who attempt to be one of the boys are resented by the men in the organization and can come off as imposters, appearing desperate to gain acceptance.
At the same time, the other extreme — remaining aloof — is an equally bad idea. When you don’t make any attempt to connect with the guys you work with, you seem to be rejecting not only men but the very culture of male-dominated businesses. Even if you don’t mean to, you may come across as thinking you are better than everyone else.
Finding a middle ground is the solution. Women who succeed in male-centric organizations develop an almost instinctive sense of when to join in with the guys in an activity and when to stand back, when to allow obnoxious behavior to pass and when to speak up against it. In this way, they are seen as both part of the group but distinctive members of it. They are not one of the guys, but they are accepted for who they are. This genuineness stands them in good stead and helps them advance through the organization and work well with others.
You do not have to put on an act to gain acceptance. The paradox in many male-dominated organizations is that though men are sometimes leery of taking orders from women or a woman’s ability to be tough enough, they also are appreciative of the female workplace dynamic. They like the empathy and communication skills that women bring to the job. They enjoy having a woman who really listens to what they have to say. They recognize the value of a woman’s point of view.
So don’t make the mistake of believing that you work with a bunch of men who will never accept you as their boss, colleague or direct report. Even in the most virulently male industries, most men realize that women add value to the workplace. They may not act like this at first, especially if they have never had a female boss and you are their first.
Be aware though, that eventually you will fit in because you have a key role to play. You are needed in a male-dominated business. There are already plenty of men. Remember, they have hired you for a reason. Here are some specific roles that women play in male-centric organizations:
Mediator/facilitator
Guys on a team sometimes cannot get along well, and the group needs someone who can resolve disputes and move the group toward consensus.
Empathetic leader
Male-dominated businesses are full of decisive, command-and-control leaders, but they often lack individuals who can grow and develop people. As a result, these companies lost some of their best people to competitors. Women can help to nurture talent and help them blossom within the organization rather than elsewhere.
Out-of-the-box thinker
CEO’s want individuals who come at problems differently, not always offering the same solutions to the same problems. Although not all women meet this criterion, many women tend to be able to think outside of the box.
New customer liaison
Most companies these days are pursuing new markets. While a new market may be women-dominated, it may also include other minorities. They may also have global aspirations. Women often have the sensitivity and relationship skills necessary to work well with these new markets.
Despite the sometimes unpredictable evolution of acceptance, remember that the odds are good that you will be accepted if you do a good job and stay long enough. Time and effectiveness virtually guarantee it. Time creates the familiarity necessary for your male peers to become accustomed to a female presence on their team or as their boss. Effectiveness dispels all the myths they may subscribe to about women not being able to make it in your particular business or the misconceptions about what women can and cannot do.
Roxanne Rivera is the author of There’s No Crying in Business: How Women Can Succeed in Male-Dominated Industries (Palgrave Macmillan, 2009). She is also the president and CEO of the Associated Builders and Contractors of New Mexico and serves as New Mexico’s liaison to the National Associated Builders and Contractors in Washington, D.C.
