Most people spend their working lives following orders, whether they’re from a boss or a customer. They may not be military commands — your customer may ask you in the nicest way possible to reduce delivery time — but they still must be obeyed. This is just the way things are, whether you’re a junior executive or higher-level manager.
So here’s the leap of faith: Consider the possibility that you can have an equal relationship with a “superior.” I don’t care if that superior is the CEO of a Fortune 50 company. You don’t have to be an inferior in that relationship.
But these partnership relationships don’t just happen. You’ve got to be courageous. A good first step is figuring out why you accept the role of order taker in the first place.
People define their roles based on how they are treated by their boss or customers.
This is a typical example for a newly hired lawyer. John begins his first day as a junior associate at a prestigious law firm, showing up at the appointed 7:30 a.m. time. Mark, his boss, doesn’t arrive until 8:30. Mark finally greets John, who had been sitting in the waiting area outside of Mark’s office.
“John,” Mark says, “I’ve got a lot of work to give you. Follow me.”
The interaction lasted only a few seconds, but the impact on the relationship was huge:
- Tone and pace — Mark’s words and tone of voice said that he was “all business” and made John feel like a lackey about to receive his assignments. The cold, fast nature of the exchange said to John that his role was to obey without question.
- Bad manners — Mark didn’t apologize for being late. Nor did he welcome John to the law firm. Being rude tells John that he is so far down on the totem pole that he doesn’t even merit bare-bones respect.
- Commands — Mark asserted his dominance by his choice of words. He might as well have greeted John with, “Hi, you’re my inferior. Follow me to my office which is bigger than any office you’ll be in for a long time.”
Unequal relationships arise when one person does all the talking and the other does all the listening. Test this concept by thinking about your relationships. I’d bet in every relationship where you’re the primary listener, you’re also the primary order taker. Just as our best friends tend to be good listeners, our best work relationships are characterized by two-way listening.
To bolster peer partnerships you must bring the resistance out in the open. Maybe the other person doesn’t even realize they’re fighting against treating you as an equal. Another factor is that busy people often have good intentions but bad execution. They may agree with the points you raised in your partnership conversation, but then some crisis arises and those points aren’t acted upon.
If you want results from a partnership, you must talk about what that looks like because we can’t fix what we can’t see. ●
Name: Joe Takash
Title: President
Company: Victory Consulting
Victory Consulting is a Chicago-based sales and leadership development firm that helps people maximize their talent and performance. Joe is a keynote speaker for executive retreats, sales conferences and management meetings.
How to reach: Victory Consulting, (818) 918-3999 or www.victoryconsulting.com
Email: [email protected]
Twitter: @JoeTakash
