Lead, listen and learn: Your next lesson might come from someone you hold a grudge against

Many years ago, I learned an invaluable lesson: You can learn from anyone.
Once I learned this lesson, really learned it, it changed everything. I learned to see opportunity in every challenge — and in every challenging personality — that I encountered.
The lesson has been reinforced for me many times throughout the years, in my own experiences and in the habits of successful people I’ve met.
A littered battlefield
Whether it’s reporting to someone we don’t like, losing out on a promotion to a colleague or working with a difficult person, the workplace is rife with bruised egos and personality conflicts. We often find ourselves working with and for people who have offended us or irked us. We commonly think that there is nothing good we could possibly learn from them.
The fact is, you can learn from every person and every situation if you’re willing. To begin, you must put ego aside and admit that you don’t know everything. This isn’t a one-time action; keeping our egos in check requires daily attention.
Be honest and ask yourself whether you’re holding grudges for past offenses, or whether you are resistant to others because you don’t think they have anything to teach you. Who are the people that come to mind? These are the relationships you’ll need to focus on.
Be accountable as a learner. It’s very easy and all-too-common to play the role of victim. One of the most frequent scenarios is when we lose out on a coveted promotion, and we blame the decision-makers. Unwilling to get along with the person who was selected, or to forgive the decision-makers, many people choose to leave when they’re passed over for a promotion.
Instead of playing the victim, reframe your thinking. Ask yourself, how can I take responsibility for what happens next? What skills do I need to build to get the promotion the next time? What concrete steps can I begin taking now?
You do have choices
If it’s a difficult manager or co-worker you’re dealing with, acknowledge you have choices. You can find a new job, stay and be oppositional, or stay and be open to learning. Which choice is best for you and why?
Move past resentment. Too often I see people stuck in a place of resentment and agitation. They don’t realize that they’ve imprisoned themselves, refusing opportunities to learn because they’re spending precious energy being angry. Rather than look backward, look ahead.
You know the old adage: “If you always do what you’ve always done, you’ll always get what you’ve always got.”  If you’re going to chart a new path in your relationship with a manager or colleague, you need to begin behaving differently, replacing resentment and resistance with a willingness to learn.
Put your energy into demonstrating open-to-learning behaviors — listen with your heart, ask genuine questions and refrain from judgment. You can rehearse these techniques with a trusted colleague, and then practice using them in real-life scenarios.
You can learn from anyone, as long as you’re willing.